Further down the rabbit hole........

Why is it when one bad thing happens, it always brings friends? You're bombarded with so much bad news or happenings that you begin to doubt if you'll ever see the light of day that is your peace of mind.
With ER visits thanks to my new found "old lady asthma", an aunt in the hospital, & my own family going through, yet again, "hard times", it seems that the limitations of my physical & mental strength are being constantly pushed.

A friend linked an article: What it Takes to be a Survivor, "Why do some people live and others die? Why do a few stay calm and collected under extreme pressure when others panic and unravel? How do some bounce back from adversity while others collapse and surrender?"
An amazing article about how some people can deal with the issues, rather, acknowledge them, while others suffer, for lack of a better word, from "inattentional blindness" or "incredulity response." People are unable to see the urgency's of situations happening around them, & in turn, go about their lives. They're either unable to cope or refuse to cope, & are unable to make decisions regarding the matter, so instead they just go about their business.
Why do some people go for the bottle when times get rough? or cry when they're upset? or close themselves from the world?

My aunt is in dire need of constant medical supervision, preferably in a rehabilitation center in order for her to recover from her recent surgery, & yet she & her husband chose to have her home, with a nurse only visiting once a day, for one hour at that. My mom is panicking at what may happen while shes here & my aunt is in NJ, will there be consequences to their decisions? meanwhile my parents are at another crossroads & the timing couldn't be any more worse with my aunt in the hospital & their anniversary coming up.

I am not the 14 yr old girl who struggled to keep her family together. Things have changed, I've changed. How am I supposed to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves? Who has already went down that path & yet, through all the hurt & pain its caused my family, has chosen to go down it once again? As harsh as it may sound, "it isn't my job to save my parents", as my cousin puts it. It's just harder since I'm still at home....locking myself away in my room can only do so much.

I almost feel selfish,being upset with myself that I'm not financially secure enough to be on my own. To be able to deal with my own problems, my own drama. To not have to referee other peoples arguments, mediate other peoples situations. Isn't it bad enough that I buffer situations at my own job, don't I get to have a place where I can gather my thoughts. Don't I deserve a Fortress of Solitude? I AM family oriented, in the end, they're all I have. But where do I cross the line?

I need to save whatever little sanity & health I have left, before I fall so far down, I won't remember what daylight looks like.

26 years of awesomeness

A fabulous birthday indeed. Saturday night was an absolute blast. My home-wrecker assemble was a success. However, 4 inch heels, not so much for dancing the night away. Something I was fully aware of, but wanted to be a fool & do it anyways.

I danced the night away, running into all sorts of people I knew the entire night. It was great!!! I randomly danced whenever my feet stopped throbbing, while my BFF & cousin sat in our claimed corner, criticizing any club-goer that unfortunately walked past them. lol The annual BFF shot took place 12am-ish to initiate the night of debauchery, then after that, th drink of choice was H2O. Sorry...I wanted to remember the evening & we all know I'm a light-weight. The designated "porno pole" was always fun to watch. We all just watched in amazement as numerous random couples would just claim the pole to basically reenact their own version of a soft porn. At one point we actually thought 1 set was a couple.....alas it was not, b/c sure enough, dude was humping the next chick soon after.

I went home with my dates for the evening, my Chilean gypsy bff & the dancing Nubian princess. Sadly, the one actual drink I decided to have at 3am kicked in on the cab ride home. Oh well, it'll suffice as a nightcap.

The morning began with what I can only describe as my own personal heat wave. At first I thought it was b/c the room itself was hot, so I threw the blankets off to try to cool down. My BFF was moving about opening windows & doors to try to cool the room down. We both stayed in bed till about noon, when we finally figured out that it wasn't in fact the room that was hot. IT WAS MY BFF!! She had a fever & was giving off heat like a mini-volcano. She was now an incubus of hazardous material. lol Apparently her flu vaccine went wrong & got her sick.

So off I went to have my birthday dinner with my parents at the glorious Pio Pio. A Peruvian heaven of yummalicious food! Unfortunately it was too late for my immune system, & I contracted a small dose of the flu. But no worries, I told myself tostones were the cure, so i dug right in! lol My parents had told the host that it was my birthday, so towards the end, they brought out my bday "tres leche" cake, while blasting "cumpleanos feliz" on the restaurant sound system, while flicking the lights on & off.....I'm assuming for theatrics. lol FUN....but embarrassing......but still fun!!

I spent the rest of the evening at a friends house, enjoying some Discovery Channel of the Alaskan snow birds & wolves. & towards the end, passed out on the couch while my fever broke.

At work, my co-workers & the director surprised me at the end of the day with THREE birthday cakes, that's rights 3!!!! lol AND my vacation time was approved for Costa Rica !!

An awesome bday indeed.......

Role Reversal Much

so i've been noticing for for quite some time now that the roles in relationships has changed. The men nowadays are looking for long term, meaningful relationships whereas the women , just dont give a damn about them anymore. lol
Not saying that the genuine interest for one isnt there, but I think women are over the hype. So either they're out there doing them & focusing on bettering themselves OR they went through the relationship & saw it wasnt what it was cracked out to be. Whereas the men, i can only assume, went through the test & trials, meaningless sex, party times & what not, & now realize, that said life isnt as fun as it seems. that they rather have something meaningful to hold onto.
i just find it funny b/c i remember way back when, in high school, all the boys strutting around like alpha males looking for mates, while the girls fawned all over them. very interesting how the times have changed.
my own experience...i did the relationship thing & well....im single now. so im just focusing on myself. working, saving money, just enjoying life & me-time. not saying that i dont want to be in-love, get married & have a kid, but, im just not dead-set on it anymore, if it happens it happens. I dont want to be in another relationship, i dont want to dedicate time into someone else, i want the option to walk away, i want to have fun & not be deal with "i called u, y didnt u pick up" stuff. i just wanna do me.
I think thats what alot of girls are experiencing, & theres nothing wrong with that. welcome to our world gentlemen. lol

here it goes....

so as i fall into what i would assume to call my "daily routine", i've come to the conclusion that i should fall into the blogging craze. not b/c it's a fad, i just think i have an interesting/funny life, so why not blog it....

my name is Christina, im a 25 yr. old Nuyrorican, living in the Bronx (NY). Even though I've lived in the BX my entire life...i DO NOT LOVE the Yankee's. I have my B.A. in Art History, alumni of Queens College & until now, retail was the majority of my work experience, with the occasional internship at a museum or two.

I'm currently working for the F.E.G.S. WeCare program. as you ask "what is that?" ......it's a welfare to work program. my postion is techinically the middle person between the office & the clinic. what a randomn career choice, i know. For awhile i was under the illusion that "duh i have a degree, of course i'm going to get a job" !!incorrect!!

I've realized that things just dont happen in a snap, it takes progression, you need a plan. So, here I am, with a big girl job, with salary & benefits, & even life insurance! My long term plan, F.E.G.S. actually has an art center, it deals with art therapy & rehab.

So there it is, to hopefully be working in that center. I give it a year, although at times I feel like I wanna pull my hair out with my current position.....

Even though this isnt my passion, gotta be hopeful that at some point, i'll get there.