Why is it when one bad thing happens, it always brings friends? You're bombarded with so much bad news or happenings that you begin to doubt if you'll ever see the light of day that is your peace of mind.
With ER visits thanks to my new found "old lady asthma", an aunt in the hospital, & my own family going through, yet again, "hard times", it seems that the limitations of my physical & mental strength are being constantly pushed.
A friend linked an article: What it Takes to be a Survivor, "Why do some people live and others die? Why do a few stay calm and collected under extreme pressure when others panic and unravel? How do some bounce back from adversity while others collapse and surrender?"
An amazing article about how some people can deal with the issues, rather, acknowledge them, while others suffer, for lack of a better word, from "inattentional blindness" or "incredulity response." People are unable to see the urgency's of situations happening around them, & in turn, go about their lives. They're either unable to cope or refuse to cope, & are unable to make decisions regarding the matter, so instead they just go about their business.
Why do some people go for the bottle when times get rough? or cry when they're upset? or close themselves from the world?
My aunt is in dire need of constant medical supervision, preferably in a rehabilitation center in order for her to recover from her recent surgery, & yet she & her husband chose to have her home, with a nurse only visiting once a day, for one hour at that. My mom is panicking at what may happen while shes here & my aunt is in NJ, will there be consequences to their decisions? meanwhile my parents are at another crossroads & the timing couldn't be any more worse with my aunt in the hospital & their anniversary coming up.
I am not the 14 yr old girl who struggled to keep her family together. Things have changed, I've changed. How am I supposed to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves? Who has already went down that path & yet, through all the hurt & pain its caused my family, has chosen to go down it once again? As harsh as it may sound, "it isn't my job to save my parents", as my cousin puts it. It's just harder since I'm still at home....locking myself away in my room can only do so much.
I almost feel selfish,being upset with myself that I'm not financially secure enough to be on my own. To be able to deal with my own problems, my own drama. To not have to referee other peoples arguments, mediate other peoples situations. Isn't it bad enough that I buffer situations at my own job, don't I get to have a place where I can gather my thoughts. Don't I deserve a Fortress of Solitude? I AM family oriented, in the end, they're all I have. But where do I cross the line?
I need to save whatever little sanity & health I have left, before I fall so far down, I won't remember what daylight looks like.
