Marriage, it's not a dirty word

Edging near 30 , my opinion about marriage has definitely changed. Although not a dirty word, marriage is very much a loaded word. 

To many it's the end. It's responsibility, obligation & high expectation. And to those who have that mind-set, do yourself the favor & stay away from marriage all together. If you're having all those negative connotations & panic attacks , then that's a tell tale sign that it may not be for you. And there is NOTHING wrong with that. But getting hitched b/c it's "what you're SUPPOSED to do"....now that, is an insult to what marriage is supposed to be

Wedding: the ceremony or celebration of a marriage

Nothing makes me cringe more than accidentally coming across those estrogen charged wedding shows. I'm sure that they're amazingly entertaining , but that's a whole other facet that feeds into the marriage fear. It's not about destroying your family , losing friends, getting in debt, "i'm queen for a day" mentality. It's suppose to be a damn celebration of your love. People get too caught up in putting on a "show" that they forget that. I'm sure that having the right colors or having a theme is sentimental or perfect, but at the end of the day, ALL THAT MATTERS, is the person your marrying.

My parents set the bar....

Today is my parent's 33rd wedding anniversary. Their puerto rican hometowns are literally next door to one another, but ended up finding each other when they both came to NY for better lives. Complete opposites , mom being the practical  rationalist & papi the passionate sentimentalist. When they decided to get married, my mom's parent's became very ill. They postponed for almost a year, using everything they saved for my mom's back & forth travels to take care of them. My aunt, seeing everything they were going through, put her foot down, "found a guy", rounded up the people who mattered & my parents had a small ceremony in their studio apartment.

My parents didn't get married b/c my mom found the perfect dress, or b/c they had the perfect venue or b/c papi bought an obnoxious ring. They got married b/c for almost a year , my dad took my mom to the airport , knowing that she'd be away for months at a time, & no matter what, they both knew they loved each other, that no matter what happened, they'd get through it. THAT is what marriage is about. The most basic foundation. 

I only know a handful of people who have done it right so far. To my parents they had no idea what they were doing & just rolled with it, but to me, they are definitely my role models. 

*To anyone I know that have had weddings/separations/divorces/etc., 

please do not take offense to my post, 

it's not my intention*

Color me Deep PT2

"Our ink is our badges, our piercings our pride,
Body art is our expression, of our person inside."
Richard Powell

Almost 2 1/2 yrs ago, I began the tattoo on my ribs. The passing of my aunt was the trigger. My inability to get the courage to call her & say my goodbye before she left us.  The devastating guilt I could not overcome. "Love, Hope,Inspire, Believe" will remind me how to live my life. 

This past weekend I finally figured out what I wanted the finished tattoo to look like & completed it. As December winded down, it turned into emotional roller-coaster. So much so, that it gave me the push I needed to add to my life rules.

Love without boundaries : Do not become bitter. Do your best to avoid "the game". If you have the chance to experience love, do so. Give it your all. Everyone has suffered some heartache, heartbreak. Maybe even some bruising & mental scarring.We all have baggage. Pick yours up & move on. To love & be loved, is such an amazing feeling. To hold back, to deny it, is to truly cheat yourself. Deny who I am?  I wouldn't change me for the world.

Hope is infinite: maybe some people say faith, but since my stance on religion tends to waver, hope is more appropriate. You can never have too much hope. Believe that things will turn out for the best, there is nothing wrong with having expectations. To desire a positive outcome. Sometimes, that's all you have. 

Inspire others: It's something that I've learned a long time ago. I'm a people person. I have a gift. I'm empathetic. There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that you've made an impact on someone's life. That you've helped them or touched their very souls in some way.  Help others dream, encourage them. Help them to be the amazing people that they are. 

Believe in the impossible: This one touched my heart . Lewis Carroll's, Alice in wonderland, "Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."  It's that easy. You can believe in anything with such conviction, with such truth ,you can make it real. (except flying....don't do that.....) We tend to hold ourselves back. To be afraid & to doubt.  Don't. Believe & push forward. 

My tattoo's are monumental moments in my life. They are my lessons. They are my reminders. 

Color me deep....

356 Days of Me (plus 2 weeks....)

a busy October + quarantined with pneumonia = lots of time thinking

-Inspired by "500 Days of Summer" & my birthday-

A lot can happen in a year. 

Oct.26th,2009 was celebrated with knights & jousting , surrounded by close friends & family I held close to my heart.  Oct. 26th,2010 was celebrated & coordinated by my 2 bestest friends, with ninja's & magic shows. 2 girls that I know, no matter what, will always be by my side. I say that with such conviction.

Through that year I fully recovered from my rebound nonsense. No more looking back....& even when/if I do, the reflex is no longer wishful thinking & hopeful dreams. It's met with raised eyebrows & shaking of the head. My eyebrows. My head. 3yrs is a long time to hold onto to something that isnt there anymore. I actually joined Match.com, although nothing blossomed from it (damn commercials,lol) it was so xciting to "date" again & meet new people. To be nervous about 1st meetings & get butterflys. It's a beautiful & glorious feeling to look forward.

Through that year I loved again. A discovery if you will. No, nothing came of it. But that's not the point. What is the point, is that I loved. I am capable of it. I'm not broken, or jaded. I loved for all the right reasons. 

That within itself deserves merit. 

Through that year I clinged to family. To my aunt , to my parents. To my family in Puerto Rico. To my newly engaged cousin. As I get older, family becomes more & more important to me. My heritage & where my family comes from & what they went through is a part of me. We have been through through so much & no matter the circumstance, we hold on to each other as lifelines. 

Through that year I saw catastrophic earthquakes rock the countries of both my best friends. I felt their fear, concern, love & pride for their heart-lands. I saw the world unite to save one country , while the other humbly took care of its own. As a result I joined the Red Cross & have done my part to give back. (& fight the constant urge to pack up & move to Haiti & rebuild)

In that year I achieved 2 parts of my Bucket-list. I saw Robin Williams live at the Borgarta. The man who I associate comedy & laughter with. A hero, if you will, that I've always looked up to.  The ability to make people laugh is a powerful gift, & although he can be crude & extra, Robin Williams embodies that belief for me.  The 2nd was meeting Stan Lee. Marvel Comic's father. Waiting on line for 16hr's, braving the cold & hard sidewalk. I met the man who fathered many of Marvel's popular superhero's. It was an emotional experience. I will always remember both.

Through that year, I am thankful for my friends. The ones who stand by me. Through my childness & silly ways. Through my WoW talk & comic xcitment. Through my healthy days & not so healthy. For my hearts, my rocks, my sanities. For the ones who answer txts, IM's, random phone calls, & spur of the moment dinners & sleep overs. There are times I feel lost, where I am xtra hard on myself. When I feel out of place & confused. You are the ones who keep me centered, you are the ones who get me.  I am thankful for you.

& through this year....I've learned my body hates me. *cue pneumonia*