I find it incredibly frustrating that I can be everyone else's little ray of sunshine, their little pick-me-up. That the cup is always half full for you, you, you & your mother. But when it comes down to my own trials & tribulations I am my own worst bloody enemy. This damn test I have Monday is driving me loony. Correction...I'M driving myself loony. I've locked myself away in my little Bronx urban tower, face first in text books & notes. Consumed with highlighter fumes, post it stickies & have come to enjoy the intricate detail in my Harry Potter coffee mug.Now here's the truth, I know I'm prepared. The chambers of the heart, needle gauges, additives, conductivity, cardiac cycles,patient rights, ethics...... supercalifragilisticexpialidocious....no that can't be on it.
It's not so much THE test that I'm stressing , more so, the outcome. If I pass, I'll finally be able to get my 1st hands on nursing job. Now to clarify, I'll be working under the supervision of a registered nurse, so i emphasize Nurse Tech. not R.N., not YET anyway. But that's not my point. This is what I've been working for all year. A self realization, a want, to help people. & to know, with all conviction that I will be the best at it. Now maybe that is putting a lot of pressure on me, but isnt that the point when you want something THAT bad?!
I've been told that I get overly excited about drawing blood. Or when I did my rotations at the nursing home, I overshared , just a tad much.**shrug** If being able to draw blood perfectly from a child or obese person makes my day, let me rock! Or if listening to a patient talk, just b/c they needed to makes my day, let me be.
These are the things I look forward to.
I've experienced places that take quantity over quality of work & care of their patients. Never again. & no, I do not believe that every single place on this earth is run that way. Yes, there's a business aspect, as with everything. But by all means, keep your slum'ish facilities, your 4hr waits, apathetic docs, & number manipulation to keep a contract "business". I look forward to working at a place where compassion is welcomed, using my brain is encouraged & patients actually do come 1st.
2 days to go
