Quirks & Notions de Mi Vida...

Marriage, it's not a dirty word

2012-01-28T12:52:00.003-05:00

Edging near 30 , my opinion about marriage has definitely changed. Although not a dirty word, marriage is very much a loaded word.

To many it's the end. It's responsibility, obligation & high expectation. And to those who have that mind-set, do yourself the favor & stay away from marriage all together. If you're having all those negative connotations & panic attacks , then that's a tell tale sign that it may not be for you. And there is NOTHING wrong with that. But getting hitched b/c it's "what you're SUPPOSED to do"....now that, is an insult to what marriage is supposed to be

Wedding: the ceremony or celebration of a marriage

Nothing makes me cringe more than accidentally coming across those estrogen charged wedding shows. I'm sure that they're amazingly entertaining , but that's a whole other facet that feeds into the marriage fear. It's not about destroying your family , losing friends, getting in debt, "i'm queen for a day" mentality. It's suppose to be a damn celebration of your love. People get too caught up in putting on a "show" that they forget that. I'm sure that having the right colors or having a theme is sentimental or perfect, but at the end of the day, ALL THAT MATTERS, is the person your marrying.

My parents set the bar....

Today is my parent's 33rd wedding anniversary. Their puerto rican hometowns are literally next door to one another, but ended up finding each other when they both came to NY for better lives. Complete opposites , mom being the practical rationalist & papi the passionate sentimentalist. When they decided to get married, my mom's parent's became very ill. They postponed for almost a year, using everything they saved for my mom's back & forth travels to take care of them. My aunt, seeing everything they were going through, put her foot down, "found a guy", rounded up the people who mattered & my parents had a small ceremony in their studio apartment.

My parents didn't get married b/c my mom found the perfect dress, or b/c they had the perfect venue or b/c papi bought an obnoxious ring. They got married b/c for almost a year , my dad took my mom to the airport , knowing that she'd be away for months at a time, & no matter what, they both knew they loved each other, that no matter what happened, they'd get through it. THAT is what marriage is about. The most basic foundation.

I only know a handful of people who have done it right so far. To my parents they had no idea what they were doing & just rolled with it, but to me, they are definitely my role models.

*To anyone I know that have had weddings/separations/divorces/etc.,

please do not take offense to my post,

it's not my intention*

Walking Wounded

2011-11-28T12:33:00.001-05:00

Have you ever been told ,"it's not you , it's me"? One of the most popular relationship cop-outs ever, wouldn't you agree? But what if the problem REALLY is YOU, you & your damn emotional baggage.

Yes, we all have some sort of baggage & with all things in life, it's all in how you deal with it. Some people try to keep their baggage down to the minimum , a carry-on if you will. While others have an entire designer collection packed up for what should be 2 day getaway.

Maybe it's been a few months or even a few years since your bout of relationship fuckery , whether it was abusive, they cheated, they stole, they lied....just plain ol'fucekry. But low & behold, something happens & your carry on, which you could have sworn was securely put away, falls flying out of the overhead compartment. All your fears, insecurities, anger & bitterness out for the world to see & there you have it, you're faced with the reality that you're the Walking Wounded.

The challenge is trying to not let it sabotage any future relationships. Because the truth is, once another person is introduced into the mix, those wounds/bags dont only affect you.

They may cause you to put up walls or stay away from commitment. In the mind of the Walking Wounded, they're literally shielding themselves from getting hurt. A protective force-field. But at the same time, they're shutting out any possibility of love. Which , hey if that's what you want, great. Nothing wrong with being single. But is that REALLY it, or are you scared to death of getting hurt again?

There's the ever so popular, "fuck (wo)men" approach. No, not literally, I mean the "I'll be a bitch/jerk for no reason" one.For any of the walking Wounded that chooses this method, just shoot yourself in the head now & be done with it. Why would being a (wo)man-bashing bitch/jerk be a good idea?! Being an overall cunt to the opposite sex just comes off as being defensive & ......cunty & not attractive at all. You may think that you're one step ahead or you're going to call him/her on their shit.....or you're just projecting & again, being a bitch.

And of course, there's the lovely paranoia bag. If you've been cheated on , lied to, or have had the misfortune of any infidelity, being overly suspicious is always a gem. Trust is so important in a relationship, that once doubt is introduced to it, it may possibly be its undoing for the Walking Wounded. Yes, you might think you're just being cautious, keeping an eye out for warning signs , but at some point your safety precautions will become very unattractive traits. Being overly clingy or worse, snooping, who wants that for a significant other?!

On a personal note, I openly admit to being one of the Walking Wounded. I've had my share of abuse & plenty of experience with infidelity. I know what it's like to flinch when a man raises his voice. To be excessively timid to signs of affection. To be lied to & told "you're over reacting", "shes just a friend", "it's just flirting".....

To fellow wounded individuals & to those who have any interest in dealing with the wounded, communication is key. Speak your mind, share your wounded past, & listen carefully. There may be a lot of jumbled information, there may be tears, it may take a lot of time to work through the baggage. But for those who aren't royally fucked up beyond repair, even the Walking Wounded may have a chance at a really amazing relationship in the long run.

Sometimes all we have are words

2011-10-13T19:10:00.000-04:00

what a funky day.
I don't feel I have the right to write this. that she mattered so much to so many other people, other than me. an activist, a leader, a force, a best-friend, a niece, a wife, a love.
& to those people who she mattered the most, your strength is immeasurable .

"at 29 we're selfish"
i couldn't agree more. we look out for ourselves, many of us are just coming into finding out who we are & what we want to be, but while so many are doing that, you were out saving the world, literally. Whether it was one boob or vagina at a time.You knew what you wanted to do, where you wanted to be. You knew who YOU were. You were self-LESS. & you were so damn nonchalant about it too.

you've brought so many people together. a lot of new friendships were made & even more were reaffirmed. all b/c we loved one amazing girl.

i don't know what it means the fact that i can visit you with ease, when before, i never set foot into one of those places.

your FB page has become straight up internet therapy. tagged pictures, messages, songs, notes, memories, anything & everything in hopes that somewhere , up there, there's WiFi & a really good coffee shop.

you helped so many people & you continue to impact people's lives, even now. i think you've given so many of us a reality check. forced many of us to grow up & look at our lives & reevaluate whats important.
& for that, we'll always be thankful.
you are missed. everyday. by so many.
& b/c of that you'll never be truly gone, b/c we all loved you so much.

Darkest before the dawn

2011-09-30T22:00:00.000-04:00

I find it incredibly frustrating that I can be everyone else's little ray of sunshine, their little pick-me-up. That the cup is always half full for you, you, you & your mother. But when it comes down to my own trials & tribulations I am my own worst bloody enemy. This damn test I have Monday is driving me loony. Correction...I'M driving myself loony. I've locked myself away in my little Bronx urban tower, face first in text books & notes. Consumed with highlighter fumes, post it stickies & have come to enjoy the intricate detail in my Harry Potter coffee mug.

Now here's the truth, I know I'm prepared. The chambers of the heart, needle gauges, additives, conductivity, cardiac cycles,patient rights, ethics...... supercalifragilisticexpialidocious....no that can't be on it.

It's not so much THE test that I'm stressing , more so, the outcome. If I pass, I'll finally be able to get my 1st hands on nursing job. Now to clarify, I'll be working under the supervision of a registered nurse, so i emphasize Nurse Tech. not R.N., not YET anyway. But that's not my point. This is what I've been working for all year. A self realization, a want, to help people. & to know, with all conviction that I will be the best at it. Now maybe that is putting a lot of pressure on me, but isnt that the point when you want something THAT bad?!

I've been told that I get overly excited about drawing blood. Or when I did my rotations at the nursing home, I overshared , just a tad much.**shrug** If being able to draw blood perfectly from a child or obese person makes my day, let me rock! Or if listening to a patient talk, just b/c they needed to makes my day, let me be.
These are the things I look forward to.

I've experienced places that take quantity over quality of work & care of their patients. Never again. & no, I do not believe that every single place on this earth is run that way. Yes, there's a business aspect, as with everything. But by all means, keep your slum'ish facilities, your 4hr waits, apathetic docs, & number manipulation to keep a contract "business". I look forward to working at a place where compassion is welcomed, using my brain is encouraged & patients actually do come 1st.

2 days to go

Oh so much stuff

2011-06-16T22:31:00.000-04:00

I've been unemployed for a little over a month now & it's great! It's amazingly scary how a stressful job can have such a negative impact on your life & health.
CUNY really is a piece of garbage. I'm on the waiting list for the colleges & they'll let me know in May if there's a spot. It's June people.
With that said, my back-up plan of becoming a Nurse Tech., has saved me. Literally.
i miss my niece. badly. her being so far just sucks. i would be taking her to the park everyday right now =(
apparently i give off pheromones that smell like relationship although i never uttered the word. *puzzled*
my cousins wedding is around the corner & I seriously need to get into MOH gear.
Speaking of, I really wish she taught ZUMBA in NYC, best class I ever took & I refuse to pay $20 for just one class, let alone an actual gym membership.
My name is Christina & I'm addicted to guacamole & Magnum ice cream bars. there, i said it.
It's June & I'm already excited for Comic Con! Jay & Silent Bob will be there this year & if I can use my pretty girl self to get them to sign my Mallrats DVD.....that would be epic.
My parents & I will be doing our 1st cancer -walk together this year. I'm really excited about it & I hope the entire family can get together for it. my aunt means a lot to me. to us.
i still need to donate blood, planning on sending my type O goodness to the Sloan Kettering cancer center.
if i could go back, I would've studied nursing like my mom told me to & not damn pictures!

Agreed

2011-05-17T10:22:00.000-04:00

"Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason.

But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life. "

Easy A

A moment...

2011-02-02T00:10:00.003-05:00

I don't handle death well. I'm sure that applies to everyone. You'd have to be heartless bastard to not feel something with someone's passing. But as a child, my parents sheltered me from death. From attending wakes & funerals. So yes, I understood "so & so" died, but never experienced (for lack of a better word), their passing. I was a child, I didnt know what it was to "mourn", only that the individual isn't here anymore. I'm older now.......

My friends father passed away.
& without any hesitation I went to the wake this evening. I didnt care about the snow, the ice,or whatever weather catastrophe, nothing mattered. Just that I needed to be there. To pay my respects. To mourn......with my friend. For my friend.

Our group gathered & all I could think about was how fragile life is. That at any moment , someone you love may not be there. That you shouldn't wait for someone to be on their deathbed to tell them you love them. What if you don't even have that opportunity?

I tell my friends without hesitation how much I love them & how I'm thankful for them almost everyday. My cousins, the same. But I truly take for granted my parents. I think, for the most part, we all do.

The second I got home I hugged my mom. I hugged my dad & just cried.......
I just really needed to ....

Color me Deep PT2

2011-01-10T22:01:00.001-05:00

"Our ink is our badges, our piercings our pride,
Body art is our expression, of our person inside."
Richard Powell

Almost 2 1/2 yrs ago, I began the tattoo on my ribs. The passing of my aunt was the trigger. My inability to get the courage to call her & say my goodbye before she left us. The devastating guilt I could not overcome. "Love, Hope,Inspire, Believe" will remind me how to live my life.

This past weekend I finally figured out what I wanted the finished tattoo to look like & completed it. As December winded down, it turned into emotional roller-coaster. So much so, that it gave me the push I needed to add to my life rules.

Love without boundaries : Do not become bitter. Do your best to avoid "the game". If you have the chance to experience love, do so. Give it your all. Everyone has suffered some heartache, heartbreak. Maybe even some bruising & mental scarring.We all have baggage. Pick yours up & move on. To love & be loved, is such an amazing feeling. To hold back, to deny it, is to truly cheat yourself. Deny who I am? I wouldn't change me for the world.

Hope is infinite: maybe some people say faith, but since my stance on religion tends to waver, hope is more appropriate. You can never have too much hope. Believe that things will turn out for the best, there is nothing wrong with having expectations. To desire a positive outcome. Sometimes, that's all you have.

Inspire others: It's something that I've learned a long time ago. I'm a people person. I have a gift. I'm empathetic. There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that you've made an impact on someone's life. That you've helped them or touched their very souls in some way. Help others dream, encourage them. Help them to be the amazing people that they are.

Believe in the impossible: This one touched my heart . Lewis Carroll's, Alice in wonderland, "Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." It's that easy. You can believe in anything with such conviction, with such truth ,you can make it real. (except flying....don't do that.....) We tend to hold ourselves back. To be afraid & to doubt. Don't. Believe & push forward.

My tattoo's are monumental moments in my life. They are my lessons. They are my reminders.

Color me deep....

356 Days of Me (plus 2 weeks....)

2010-11-11T00:17:00.000-05:00

a busy October + quarantined with pneumonia = lots of time thinking

-Inspired by "500 Days of Summer" & my birthday-

A lot can happen in a year.

Oct.26th,2009 was celebrated with knights & jousting , surrounded by close friends & family I held close to my heart. Oct. 26th,2010 was celebrated & coordinated by my 2 bestest friends, with ninja's & magic shows. 2 girls that I know, no matter what, will always be by my side. I say that with such conviction.

Through that year I fully recovered from my rebound nonsense. No more looking back....& even when/if I do, the reflex is no longer wishful thinking & hopeful dreams. It's met with raised eyebrows & shaking of the head. My eyebrows. My head. 3yrs is a long time to hold onto to something that isnt there anymore. I actually joined Match.com, although nothing blossomed from it (damn commercials,lol) it was so xciting to "date" again & meet new people. To be nervous about 1st meetings & get butterflys. It's a beautiful & glorious feeling to look forward.

Through that year I loved again. A discovery if you will. No, nothing came of it. But that's not the point. What is the point, is that I loved. I am capable of it. I'm not broken, or jaded. I loved for all the right reasons.

That within itself deserves merit.

Through that year I clinged to family. To my aunt , to my parents. To my family in Puerto Rico. To my newly engaged cousin. As I get older, family becomes more & more important to me. My heritage & where my family comes from & what they went through is a part of me. We have been through through so much & no matter the circumstance, we hold on to each other as lifelines.

Through that year I saw catastrophic earthquakes rock the countries of both my best friends. I felt their fear, concern, love & pride for their heart-lands. I saw the world unite to save one country , while the other humbly took care of its own. As a result I joined the Red Cross & have done my part to give back. (& fight the constant urge to pack up & move to Haiti & rebuild)

In that year I achieved 2 parts of my Bucket-list. I saw Robin Williams live at the Borgarta. The man who I associate comedy & laughter with. A hero, if you will, that I've always looked up to. The ability to make people laugh is a powerful gift, & although he can be crude & extra, Robin Williams embodies that belief for me. The 2nd was meeting Stan Lee. Marvel Comic's father. Waiting on line for 16hr's, braving the cold & hard sidewalk. I met the man who fathered many of Marvel's popular superhero's. It was an emotional experience. I will always remember both.

Through that year, I am thankful for my friends. The ones who stand by me. Through my childness & silly ways. Through my WoW talk & comic xcitment. Through my healthy days & not so healthy. For my hearts, my rocks, my sanities. For the ones who answer txts, IM's, random phone calls, & spur of the moment dinners & sleep overs. There are times I feel lost, where I am xtra hard on myself. When I feel out of place & confused. You are the ones who keep me centered, you are the ones who get me. I am thankful for you.

& through this year....I've learned my body hates me. *cue pneumonia*

Kinect.....perhaps....

2010-11-07T21:06:00.000-05:00

What Times Square looked like when Xbox 360 released its Kinect epicness. Kinect is...well, think of Wii, w/o the dumb controller.

& at 1st I wanted no part of it. Why jump around , run around, dance around....no thank you. I'm asthmatic!

But now looking at all the possible fitness games & possible silly times one can partake in.

I do believe I'm a sell-out.

oh asthma

2010-10-05T11:50:00.000-04:00

A fish out of water....

THAT's how asthma feels......

Still

2010-10-01T00:31:00.000-04:00

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.

Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.

It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.

Which is what I do....

And that enables you to laugh at life's realities.”

-Dr.Seuss-

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute.

We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race & the human race is filled with passion.

And medicine,law, business,engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life.

But poetry, beauty, romance, love......

THESE are what we stay alive for. "

-Dead Poets Society-

I dont post often enough. I dont post at all actually. And as I sit here, with my 1st cold of the season,

I realize it's b/c I dont really want to.

See, if you look at my posts, weeks, months pass w/o a post. I assure you plenty has happened & yes, the thought always crosses my mind "i really wanna write about this" but then....it passes. Would you like to know why. It's because I actually talk about my experiences with my friends. Be it in person, phones, txts, IM's, I tell someone. I share my story with an individual, usually someone I heart. Not a website. Not "dead-air".

This led me to think.

It's who I am. How I am.

I AM a people person. I thrive on interaction.

I'm emotional, irrational. I'm silly & childish. I'm a dreamer, I romanticize.

I pay attention to the little things & believe a smile is worth more than anything.

I am stronger than what I appear to be.

I value my sincerity ,honesty, & empathy

I am how I am

reunited & it feels so good....

2010-07-13T08:35:00.001-04:00

oh bloggy blog! there's an app for you!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.6

baby steps back

2010-07-07T00:13:00.000-04:00

dont feel abandoned. it's been months, i know. the thing is, when i WANT to post, i dont have the means to get to you (damn you BB) Even more , all the thoughts & feelings get so jumbled in my simple mind. i work myself up, then next thing you know POOF,the NEED to vent is over.

so much has happened. love, health, family, friends. a lot of change , a lot of adapting. hopefully we can catch up.

TEST

2010-03-26T10:58:00.001-04:00

Test
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

the earth shook...my heart stopped

2010-02-28T23:23:00.003-05:00

I woke up early Saturday morning , for no reason really. & as I checked the BBM status's, I see my besties......an earthquake hit Chile. I just stared at my phone. Googled the news & there it was, an earthquake stronger than what had hit Haiti had struck Chile, with tons of aftershocks. My heart, just sunk. So I txt her & wait. I wasnt too sure as to where her family is, whether they're in Concepcion or Santiago, maybe both. I watch the news, stay online. She finally responds, most family accounted for.

My mother wakes up & comes to my room, shes been crying. She was worried for cat's family. I couldnt help but cry too. I think I felt appreciative that my family loves & cares about those that I love so very much .

I head to her house & keep her company. & we just watch the news. & although what happened was catastrophic, Chile had everything under control. The U.S. was quick to offer assistance, & Chile, although appreciative,pretty much said "we'll get back to you on that". I absolutely loved it. I felt proud for Chile. Earthquakes arent some unknown event to them, they're prepared. They've had plans & funds all set.

I got into a conversation with a friend, he was "puzzled" as to why I was so concerned. That earthquakes happen, things like this happen. You can just hope for the best & move on. Life moves on. & while all that is true, & the fact that he has the innate ability to rationalize just about everything.....this was not one of those times.
When you love people, care about them, you love & care about what's important to them. You feel for them, you worry for them......it doesnt matter what it is or where. It's not about distance or who has more culture. If it's Haiti or Chile or Cincinnati.

To my gypsy, I love you.
Chile, you're in my prayers

Ki jan mwen ede?

2010-02-01T09:36:00.002-05:00

How Can I Help.....

On January 12th Haiti was hit by what can only be described as the hand of God. An earthquake measuring 7.0 on the Richter scale shattered the islands capital, with the current death toll to estimate to be 200,000.

For all the bitching I do about my life, how I WANT the things I dont NEED. To then watch people suffer who dont have much to begin with....how dare I. How dare we.

I've donated like millions of others I'm sure. I've reached out to those I know who have families there, who look at the news & see their culture, their people, their hearts shaken.

I just feel compelled to do more, donating just doesnt feel adequate enough for the devastation.
I question my strength. If I could go there now, to help , would I. Could I.

Haiti, I'm sorry it took this, for us to see you.
-Love me

Distant boo-boo

2010-01-07T21:02:00.002-05:00

Sana Sana
colita de rana,
si no sanas hoy
sanaras manana

missing my niece

SMACK

2010-01-05T18:39:00.003-05:00

You would think that I would've learned to stay away. stupid girl I am. my question is how can I be the person I am, still have people in my life, w/o having having salt rubbed on a apparently still healing wound. *sigh* Sad part is, the REALLY sad part, is that why should I get emo. I'm doing amazing. Im not surrounded by no-bodies, or have an empty, unfulfilled life. I dont try to clusterfuck it with crap just to pass the time.

stop reminiscing on something that will never be the same. I'm a whole different person now & outgrown a lot of bad habits.
.....this baggage is so 2005, it doesnt match my 2010 couture

oh 2009.....

2010-01-04T12:44:00.003-05:00

I expect 2010 to be fantastical, b/c you sir, were BEYOND terribad! This year came & went, & yet I'm exactly at the same place I started at. Sort of like those movie scenes/music videos, where the person is standing still but everything else is moving in super fast motion. (try to visualize people)
The year was marked with deaths & economic depression! There were bits of silver lining's, but sorry 2009, I have to say I know a lot of folks that are happy to see you go.

*SIGH*
Legends like Michael Jackson & Patrick Swayze passed away, shockers like DJ AM, John Travolta's son & recently Brittany Murphy. *sad face*

The amount of people that were let go from their jobs was disgusting. I saw people that I cared about hold their breathe while they waited to see if they'd end up losing heir job as well. My own job went from being "secure" to "we cant predict the future".

I've seen my parents struggle. Old age settle in & bad habits come back......still waiting to see how that'll play out in 2010.

My health, always the fun roller-coaster ride. Bad enough to scare to me, but nothing too serious *thank god*

*Smiley Face*
I finally got a new computer. Alienware at that! He's my baby, so far things are working out wonderfully. & I'm looking forward to our very happy future 2gether.....or until I have to upgrade him too.

I got to take my 1st "vacation" with my gypsy. Nothing exotic, but it doesnt take much to have a good weekend away. AND I got a new camera!! ^_^

It was a year filled with gaming gatherings. I got to show Ohio what NYC has to offer & went to Comic Con, in turn he showed me the country glam of his hometown, along with his amazing family. Had a geek moment with the guys watching Transformers 2 & gave them an introduction to Outback deliciousness.
Spent Halloween meeting a awesome PA group , who introduced me to BUZZ & in-turn, I made a skinny all-american boy an honorary latino ^_^!! lol

I got to check of an item on my bucket list!! Seeing Robin Williams live was AMAZING!! The man is the nutjob to say the least! But he represents so much to me, emotions were high. I felt bad for my cousin, who was probably chanting "dont have an asthma attack!" the entire night!

I realized that the people I keep close are all that matter. I had a very simple, yet very fun, birthday. Extremely cheesy at Medieval Times, but I had such a great time, b/c my friends heart my silly-ass!

To be continued..........
2009 was branded with devastating family news. Although the family is unbelievably large, they're few that have had a constant presence & impact in my life. One of those family members, my aunt, was diagnosed with cancer early in 2009. Towards the end its taken a toll on her & the family. We all worry for her, for each other. We hold our breathe & stay positive b/c we are strong, we have to be. We're Amazons.

2010 will be filled with loving myself & those around me. To do the things I've always wanted & fulfill goals that I keep pushing off. To move on & forgive. To grow up. To make a difference in my life & hopefully someone else's.

To the people who are constant, near & far.
Thank you.
For loving me, guiding me,
& baring with me.
I'd be lost without you

It's starting to feel alot like Xmas

2009-12-23T09:32:00.002-05:00

goodies from the heart have a way of lifting your spirits

Avatar....I Heart You

2009-12-21T09:12:00.005-05:00

Where do I even begin. Maybe by 1st stating that I absolutely adore Sci-Fi films. I try my damnedest to see them, especially ones that are "hyped". I almost feel obligated, along with video- game & comic-book based movies (except for Daredevil, GhostRider, Elektra....SMH) I'll admit, I 1st found out about Avatar during San Diego's Comic Con earlier this year. I was smitten'd with movie just by the trailer! Blue aliens, an exotic planet, the hint of an epic battle!!! hell yes!!

James Cameron had the idea in 1994, but chose to wait for technology to "catch up" in order to properly bring his vision to the big screen. & bravo sir, well worth it. Avatar is visually stunning, granted I saw it in IMAX, but regardless, Cameron created an entire Planet, a civilization. From the various lush jungle locations, to the nitty-gritty human colony, how could you not appreciate it. The man created an entire species, a language, a culture. Granted, most of it looked like a psychedelic acid trip, but genius none the less. The idea that an entire world is connected, something way beyond spiritually, beyond faith. But a literal bond to what we can only compare to brain synapses. Beautiful.

Yes, the plot is somewhat recycled. Yes, it's a familiar story; woe are the hippy hugging indigenous people, BOOOOOO to the evil coporate business man. Dances with Wolves meets Ferngully? Princess Mononoke? More than likely. But so what! How many crappy recycled plots are out there. HUNDREDS! That applies to everything, movies, music, television shows.....politicians. Get a grip folks.

I enjoy movies like this. Movies that take me to a different place, a different world......somewhere....that's not here. It's why I rather watch shows like Heroes & V as opposed to Gossip Girl & the like. I have my own RL drama & crap, I much rather lose myself in something that's beyond reality, a mini-mental-vacation if you will.

Why people dwell on the fact that the plot wasn't vastly original is beyond me, or that they couldn't form a connection to the characters & their devastation.
For those people that say Avatar missed the mark........I say, you guys missed the point entirely.

To all you other folks that arent into Sci-Fi goodness, it's ok, I forgive you ^_^

Caroline's got asthma...

2009-12-17T11:12:00.001-05:00

"Caroline's got asthma, and sometimes when we run
She has to stop 'cause she can't breathe, it really isn't fun.
Her breathing gets all wheezy and her skin becomes much paler,
And then she has to take a puff or two from her inhaler

Caroline's got asthma, but never makes a fuss
When she is late because she couldn't chase after the bus.
And sometimes when the lift breaks down we have to take the stairs
And Caroline says she's so glad she's got a friend who cares

Caroline's got asthma, her breathing isn't right,
And many times her mother sits beside her through the night
But though she's often feeling bad she doesn't let it show
And that is what makes Caroline the bravest girl I know "

-George Ansell-

Proud

2009-12-12T00:25:00.003-05:00

I am proud to be the woman that I am. Proud to be the type of girl you marry. Proud to be the dorky, silly girl who laughs at the simplest of things. Proud to be the nice girl, the smart girl, the down to earth girl.

Tonight I had fun, I danced the night away, had a few drinks. Hung out with the amazing women I work with, the ones I'm lucky to call my friends & the ones who keep me sane in the midst of the nonsense.

Even though it's lonely at times, I'm pretty damn awesome!
So YAYE for being ME..............& not a "dirty vagina" LoL

Oh Christmas Tree.......

2009-12-04T13:45:00.004-05:00

So the Rockefeller tree is sorta a big deal in NYC *sarcasm* So my gypsy & I made it a date ESPECIALLY after learning about Alicia Keys & Shakira performing. I ventured into the city to pick her up & we decided to walk to Rockefeller.......little did we know, we had just embarked on a mini-adventure!

First off, who's the genius that decided to make a mini-mouse-maze to get to the damn tree?!?

(you get the idea)

So we finally get there! YAYE, right?! NO! Please remember that I am 5ft AND it was raining! So giants, throw some umbrella in there AND this is what it was like:

After about almost 2 hrs of that, along with the lovely teenage couples making out in my face, & my gypsy about to clock someone in the face (b/c GOD FORBID we have our umbrellas out....in a rain storm.....smh people), we decide to leave.
Onto our journey for food. We settle for Outback, since we were in the land of fancy stores & expensive dining. We actually passed a place that had a pianist, lol. Somewhere along our walk, either I pulled something or my legs just swelled up or I had a cramp, I dunno. But by the time we got to Outback, my legs were broken! (exaggerated, maybe, but you get the point) Coincidentally, my aussie friend calls, chats it up with my gypsy. Who was highly entertained in deciphering his aussie linguistics , finding out about Hungry Jacks & the existence of only ONE Taco Bell !
It was a dinner filled with yummy food, story telling, jazz hands, air piano & the giggles! Well worth the head-cold & leg pain I have now, lol.

To Laugh......

2009-12-04T13:27:00.004-05:00

When I was a kid, I remember seeing a HBO special with Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg & Robin Williams. Robin Williams stuck out like a shiny new toy for me! Dont get me wrong, I know about his little drug & alcohol habits, his ADD, he's not perfect, by no means!

I remember him dancing around the stage, the accents, the mimicry, the sound effects, he did it all! From that day on, I associated him with laughter. That the ability to make someone laugh was an amazing talent & gift. I always said that I'd want to see/meet him before I died. It'd be a dream come true.

On November 28,2009 my dream came true!

Strength

2009-11-09T18:59:00.003-05:00

-What cancer CANNOT do-

"Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit."

*my family is going to kick cancer in its face*

Are you ever really "OK"?

2009-11-06T23:48:00.005-05:00

I'm hoping that as I write this, it will make sense & not turn out to be some vomited emotional babble.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone. Given the timing/circumstances of a certain celebrities interview, we'll be hearing more of DV for the weeks to come. And I get it, her album is coming out, PERFECT timing, etc. But really people, that doesnt negate what happened to her. So whether you feel theres any stalk or sincerity to what shes saying, take a step back & breathe. YOU werent the one who went through it.

almost 10 yrs ago, I was in an abusive relationship. I feared for my life & yet loved him with all my heart. So much that I was willing to marry him & move away.
The last fight I was thrown down a flight of stairs & slammed against a wall. After that, it was over.....& even months after that, I still flew out to see him b/c I still loved him.
I remember to this day, telling my best friend that if anything ever happened to me, that it was him, that he'd be the one that did it to me.

Those are just pieces of what happened to me. My story. I dont think I'll ever be "ok". I dont think SHE'll ever be ok either. The scars you dont see I suppose. But to everyone who has their opinions about HER & what happened, & how REAL she is......

I dont care.

She spoke & from personal experience, that alone is heart breaking. Not b/c it's being told for you to hear, but for the person who's hearing themselves. The most intimate of self-reflections.
It is not easy to speak about domestic violence, "victims" are afraid, they always are, confused, always trying to comprehend what happened to them. Whether it was their own fault or the abuser's. Should they be angry with themselves?

Would you all have liked her to parade herself around all battered & bruised? Would that have made you all feel better about her abuse, more believable? More sympathetic? More REAL?
You all have no idea what it's like, what it feels like. What goes on inside our own head. It's so easy for you all to judge,you're all outside, just looking in. Such ignorance & criticism is exactly why so many women stay quiet, why so many women are ashamed & scared to come forward.

Love yourself 1st.
DV HOTLINE
Safe Horizon

Color me deep

2009-11-05T14:28:00.005-05:00

In my self reflection, as always I'm craving a tattoo. I'm hoping to finish the connection from my side tattoo to my ribs. It's quite an addiction, tattoo's. I'm almost sure once you get one, you crave for more. You itch.

To each their own. What one person may deem as self mutilation, another views as art, and another views it as therapy.

Our flesh, our body, our mind, our soul,
We pierce our skin, to leave a hole,
We probe our minds and make them think,
We color our body with pins and ink.

Art forms as old as Earth herself,
Knowledge of primitives, we treasure as wealth.
With pain we gain, with needle and pin,
Expressions of ourselves from deep within.

We cut, we scar, we bleed, we heal,
Happy with ourselves it makes us feel.
Our ink is our badges, our piercings our pride,
Body art is our expression, of our person inside.
Richard Powell

!!CRUSHING ON KAT VON D!!

Epiphany...better late than never

2009-11-04T14:30:00.004-05:00

Nothing chaotic or frantic. Nothing "impulsive".
Almost like a light at the end of the tunnel.
A sigh of relief.

For some time now I've been trying to figure out what I want, in regards to life, work, where I want to be. I havent been able to figure it out really. Coincidentally, yesterday we had a training downtown. How to cope with stress, to take care of ourselves, put ourselves 1st. The VP of our program is leaving, she's starting her own private practice, getting back to what she's always wanted to do, something that she lost touch with while living her life. & in her "goodbye" speech, she said something. That she wasnt happy, that she wasnt taking care of herself, that she got so consumed with living her life, that she never really looked at the quality of it.

there....that was it.....I'm not happy

After working for almost 2yrs now in a non-profit org, I know I want to do something community/health related. Do I have the proper training, no. Experience, yes. So obviously, this is something I need to work on.
Living conditions, oh where do I begin. I am suffocating, literally drowning in the sorrows of my family. Am I wrong for thinking that aloud? I'm sure if I wasnt at home, cornered in my little den, it'd be different. I'd have some physical space to be able to deal with family issues. But when you live at home, it eats away at you. No one is to blame but myself, why the hell am I still at home anyways!! smh @ me!

So with all that said, I think its time for me & NYC to break up. Perhaps start seeing other people. We're just not compatible. He's abusive, chaotic, all in all, unhealthy for me. The city is all I know, it's instilled in me. But who's to say it's all I SHOULD KNOW. I love my city, but really, what am I doing here. I'm not happy, I'm not living the GOSSIP GIRL life, nor do I want it. I'm exhausted with the the rat race, annoyed with the hussel & bussel of our concrete jungle. Tired of clenching my jaw while riding the MTA, the constant exhaustion from just living here.
Dont get me wrong, I CAN live here, I CAN DO THIS.....I just think I dont want to anymore.

The only reason I'm at this point in my life is because of myself & the decisions I've made. Not trying to sound "deep", but our past dictates our future, so our decisions today will effect our 2moro.
So yea, with 2009 almost at its end, 2010 will be filled with changes & new beginnings.

"Maybe I can't leave New York. I don't know how I'd do someplace else"

-Believe me, your fabulousness would translate-

Latino in America: Toss out the dream & Embrace the Stereotype?

2009-10-22T09:29:00.008-04:00

Oh CNN, you tricky bastards. I tuned in last night, like many other Hispanics, to what we thought was going to be a positive, inspiring, empowering documentary of Latino's in America. & to our dismay & disappointment, it turned out to be 2hrs of emphasizing negative stereotypes & damaging to our culture.

Where do I begin......focusing on not 1, but TWO young Latina's who got pregnant in H.S.? How about the NYC family who lives in ATL, & their children have no sense of identity b/c they're not surrounded by latino's? Or the torn catholic community in Texas who can't get it together & just have bilingual services? But wait.....thankfully they had Lorena Garcia, popular bilingual chef, to salvage the show. Not to mention brief outtakes from Eva Longoria & Geroge Lopez.

I will admit, I was unfamiliar with CNN & its ongoing support with lovely Lou Dobbs & his anti-latino , "Mexico is our enemy"campaign. So, needless to say after reading some articles, this documentary was a sad attempt to gather a latino audience & perhaps make amends?
......really CNN

The truth is, not all Latino's/Hispanics have had the same experience coming to and living in America. This documentary should focus more on overcoming the hardships, success stories, achievements of our people. Not focus on how America already sees us. It is no secret about teenage pregnancy in Latino families, no cover-up on how poverty plagues us, no obliviousness to discrimination to us & our culture. This is reality, we know, America knows.
But where's the segment on young latino's who finished school, got a Masters, PhD even. The ones who didnt get pregnant, who didnt grow up in the projects. Whose parents are successful, bilinguil & who remind their children of their identity & their culture & what it is to NOT BE THE STEREOTYPE. Where is the part where about Latino contributions to America rather than us being a burden. Where is the minority WITHIN the minority!?!

Another example, they MENTION Eva Longoria & all they could say was her winning an ALMA award & that she hosted this year. Are you kidding me?! Eva started Eva's Heroes, a charity that helps disabled children AND shes the national spokesperson for PADRES, Contra La Cancer. Thats only scratching the surface of her charity work & achievements, and all they could say that she won an award?! & what about the ALMA awards, are they going to even mention the National Council of La Raza?!
Doubt it right.....because that group didn't grow up in the slums, they're educated & speak english & dont have 10 kids, right!

Shame on you CNN, shame on us for expecting anything positive from such a biased network. If anything, I learned that I am not THAT latina in america.

I am a 2nd generation college graduate
I did not come from a broken home
I speak both english & spanish
I was never a teenage mother
I have career

I AM LATINA

Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!

2009-10-21T09:19:00.003-04:00

*dances*

almost my birthday, looking 4ward to Sunday & heading out to medieval times with my hearts. it's going to be so disgustingly cheesy, i love it! lol
more gamer-friend encounters come Halloween weekend. very xcited.
Rihanna's new single is some powerful shit.
CANNOT WAIT to see Robin Williams in November!!! literally, heart jumping out my chest!
Russel Brand & Katy Perry are an item *swoon*

birthday list.....hmmm

air purifier! (yea....i'm a sick geek >.<)
WoW game-cards (cuz I am a geek like that, ^_^)
can never go wrong with earrings!
Hershey!!
anything comic related (phoenix, catwoman,poison ivy, harley quinn,etc)
penguins!
Alice in Wonderland

Warrior Woman

2009-10-18T20:49:00.005-04:00

In my wildest dreams I never thought
I would be the person I have become
Just the quiet little mouse I used to be
Now become a warrior woman fighting
For what she thinks is hers by right
The chance to live each day in peace
Serene and wise maybe I would be
But first comes the battleground
Long ago I was so scared of life
Now I grab it by the throat tightly
And face all it brings me head on
I'm not afraid of anything anymore
Not even time itself can phase me
The new day brings its challenges
I smile and take a step with hope
Nothing more will ever beat me
*Fiona Davidson*

sometimes you have look deep inside yourself, to be the strength for others
I am a "split down the middle" of my parents

Feeling Yummier.....

2009-10-16T09:01:00.004-04:00

oh happy happy happy face!

Yesterday ended rather well, considering the emo-trip I had for the majority of the day. Met up with MaMa, for some "fat-girl, no thinking" time ^_^
We tried to shop at H&M, but with the random winter/tropical storm that hit, it was a rather unsuccessful attempt,lol. What i did learn was that short people & low-waisted coats do not making a happy marriage. what you look like is something close to a stumpy munchkin trying to look fashionable. Needless to say, the hunt for a new wool coat continues.

The cold air was unbearable. I seriously need to remind myself that I'm asthmatic!! walking in the city yesterday was like being on a roller-coaster ride, every time I tried to breath, my chest would lock up. *sigh* So we made the very good decision to hit up Benihana's!!!! Totally near by & a change from our usually pilgrimage to Outback!! lol Pricy, but well worth it, imo.

So an observation was made. People are unbelievably oblivious to their surroundings. As me & mel sat contently in our corner seating, our dinner party (for those that are unfamiliar, Benihana will have you share a "dinner table" with others, considering the size or you party. Its hibachi, so it works out better that way) So as the Spaniard mother with 2 daughters went catty on one another, the 2 "bff's" that sat across from us, were chatting up a storm. I mean, THEY WOULD NOT STOP!!!! and at an audible level at that! So while these characters kept us entertained, me & mel ate our food & drank our sake.

my bday care-package got to my friend in time for his bday, yaye Post Office!
i keep missing Flash Forward & Fringe *grrrrr* i need DVR
10 days till my bday
wont be spending Halloween in NYC this year, after last years catastrophe, I rather just spend it with my cousin (who loves the xmas -like holiday just as much as me) From what I've been hearing, the parade is on the borderline of not even happening, no budget & artists needing to save their own money. THAT, & the fact that low-lifes & hoodlums have found their way into our little festivities, increasing police presence . I just rather not deal with it.
donuts & coffee always brighten anyone's morning

.....Tired

2009-10-15T11:20:00.002-04:00

ever feel like your emotions are pulling you all sorts of ways. It's draining, it's stressful......it's tiring.

age is becoming more & more apparent. not b/c of my upcoming birthday, but b/c the family members I grew up with are getting much older & life is taking a toll on them. We all have family members we "hear" about, or that "cousin" from that side of the family, you know Juan Doe's 2nd son. But when it's the immediate people, the people you genuinely know, you worry.....you hope for the best even if deep down you know it may not work out that way.
sanctuary, i need it. my own personal space. my own fortress of solitude.
being a "good person" isnt as rewarding as one might think. & its really starting to annoy the hell out of me
i need to occupy my time with something other than WoW, something productive.
i think im allergic to apples.....how messed up is that!!!

*sigh*

Dear Younger Me,

2009-10-05T09:53:00.005-04:00

Blogger whore, Perez Hilton, did this for a magazine & I think its a fantabulous idea. So here it goes:

Dear Little Me,
*-Being a teenager IS as hard as it seems.- You'll feel awkward & be a follower & desperately want to fit in. Take a step back from everything & breathe. It's ok to not be like everyone else. It's ok to not be in the "cool kid club". You'll surround yourself with tons of people, but will come out with handful of real friends. You'll learn people are different, people grow up & people change. That's life, you'll change too hun! You'll learn that it's way cooler to be an individual & unique than being a groupie AND you'll meet alot more interesting people along the way too!

*-It sucks being sick!- It sucks always being in the doctors/hospitals/ER's, etc! I'm sorry but this is a little trait that will never let up. But what you'll learn is that no matter how fragile you are, you will always be strong enough to deal with it. Do your damn school-work & study hard! The better the education, the better the job , the better the insurance!!! ^_^

*-Racism & discrimination- will always be around. The worst is when its from your own culture. Being a light-skinned puerto rican will have its trials & tribulations. You can not change peoples ignorance, you can only attempt to broaden their mind. Do not feel bad b/c you do not sound like Rosie Perez or look like J.Lo. But know this much, be proud of where your family comes from. I know salsa in the morning annoys you and your father trying to teach you spanish will be like nails on chalkboard. But believe it or not, you will fall in love with Hector Lavoe & Frankie Ruiz! You will jump to the dance floor at the mere hint of an old salsa song! And you will eventually master Spanglish like the linguist you truly are!! You will look at your parents & appreciate the struggle they went through so you & your brother didn't have to. You will strive to not be the stereotype! "soy boricua pa que lo sepa"!

* -You will always be a kid at heart!!! Rock on with your cartoon & comic fascination! No, there isn't anything wrong with playing video games! This will ALWAYS be your thing, this will make you happy when you're down & out. Knowing the facts about the Hulk, X-Men, Spiderman, even Dr.Strange & all the rest, will hold so much more value to you rather then knowing the name of the latest club/lounge/party. Let's face it, you will be the cool guys-girl who knows her DC/Marvel trivia, who can hold her own on a Hulk VS SuperMan debate, & make a dude work for his in a Street Fighter throw down. You will graduate to PC gaming & forever be tied to World of Warcraft. Dont worry, there's a whole world of geeks out there, waiting to meet you <3 class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">shouldn't hurt.........no matter what you may feel or what they may say, don't ever let anyone put their hands on you or belittle you or worse! love yourself 1st, put yourself 1st, you're all you have in the end<3 class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">frolicking around a PC game. These will be the ones you call your sanity's & hearts. They will be by your side through the best and worst of times. they will love you when your weak & vulnerable. they will make sense of your craziness. they smack you in the head when you act up ^_^

*-the world- you will bear witness to events that will 4ever mark your brain & your heart. You will have your own "Pearl harbor". You will see what hateful people will do to make a point, the pain that they will inflict on others & feel justified. You will walk 9 miles home one day and even though, you & thousands of others are terrified, you all know you must go on. Through the dust & tears, you'll see a nation unite & a city rise above the rubble. On those days, NYC will brand your heart.

Remember to breathe
-Me-

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."

2009-09-08T10:05:00.003-04:00

What to do with myself?!?!? oh the woes of adulthood. Close to 30 with no "EPIC" accomplishments. No 2.5 kids & a house with a picket fence. No finding the cure for cancer. No PhD in something fancy.
Just a bachelors in art, a stable job (for lack of a better word), my roommates are my parents, & as for love, I love myself. I can deal with that.

I think we all tend to want what we dont have. All we do is consume, take, w/o really appreciating what we have. Especially during these "desperate times. I'm not saying that we shouldn't aspire to better ourselves. We should always strive to improve ourselves & our quality of life. But sometimes you have to "suck it up" for the time being. Dont waste time whining & bitching about the cards that you're dealt. Either make moves to change you're circumstanes, or deal with it.

*It really is THAT simple.*

We're all entitled to get upset, frustrated, tired. But we can only run that rant for so long . Make moves people, that includes myself ^_^

*Dear Target, see you soon*

>.<

2009-09-03T15:30:00.002-04:00

Migraine Migraine, go away
You hurt too much
& ruin my day

1 pill, 2 pill
& still you stay.

Ice packs, coffee,
Consume my day.

Silence, darkness
In bed I lay.

Damnit Migraine , go away

FantasTical!!!

2009-08-31T11:07:00.005-04:00

had an amazing weekend celebrating the BFF's birthday! everyone looked beautius and totally did it up!
i always get a lil extra tipsy at her bdays, but never at mine, whats up with that!? lol

Saturdays dinner was disgustingly delicious!! lol cold & hot mussels, lobster tail with cheese ravioli, & then steak!!!! ending with a homemade cake! unbelievable! most food I've eaten since the surgery & it was freaking awesome!

such a positive vibe all weekend long, i love the people in my life!

*am truly considering perming my hair. curls r awesome, yea i know i'm ass-backwards*
*i want my computer NOW!! freaking Vid card delay*
* damn u cat for putting me on to Farmville AND Yoville...cuz WoW isnt enough*
* damn u again for showing me the Ikea catalog *
* time to make moves to my own place*

"beat her down brown"

2009-08-26T11:17:00.002-04:00

so chris brown got 5yrs probation & a few days "hard labor". really.....he beats his GF, goes on about his life, & thats it!?

i dont know whats worse, the fact that stardom shields you from the real consequences of ur actions or that this is how the law really handles DV cases!?!!?

SMH

lively update

2009-08-25T15:22:00.001-04:00

so, things r looking up after the wisdom teeth removal! i looked pretty horrific after it even came to work looking like i swollowed a fish bowl. lol

* damn that mall for opening up by my house. i wanna go to best buy, target & bed bath & beyond EVERYDAY!!
* ordered my new comp (round 2 with DELL) gets here Monday, it better work!!
*bff's bday is friday, wow. almost 10yrs being my sanity. oosh, we're almost 30!!! lol
* i need a dress!!

patience.....not a virture

2009-08-14T13:28:00.002-04:00

*sigh*
the air in waiting rooms is always filled with anxiety, tension, shaken nerves, mainly impatience.

I am a constant regular at doc offices, ER's & the like, I am quite familiar with the workings of them. & yet here I am, impatient as ever, anxious as hell! probably b/c i know whats about to happen, more so the relief that i'll get as soon as it's over!!!

who cares if i look like i had a run-in with Chris Brown! (low blow, i know, but made me laugh)

BTW,
can my mother stop being a back-seat driver to life!!!!! has to give her opinions & 2cents to everything & everyone!! the worst!!

cross ur fingers

2009-08-14T10:21:00.001-04:00

so, trying this BB app to see if I can blog via BB .

Curiouser and Curiouser

2009-05-21T13:24:00.003-04:00

Quiet the interesting conversation with a male bff,

"Are opposite sex best friends acceptable after marriage?"

My automatic response is "of course it's ok"! & why shouldn't it be? I have very few close friends, & they mean the world to me, if someone is with me, they'll know that. And at the same time, the relationship that I establish with that individual is equally important. It all comes down to honesty & being secure with who you are & the bonds you have with the individuals you have in your life. I can only speak for myself based on my experiences. Everyone serves a purpose, & no matter how close or "in-love" you may be with your significant other, you'll always need an outlet, a neutral source for venting. Obviously, 3am phone calls for chit-chat probably wont hold well, but regardless, why should someone feel uncomfortable with relationships that are pre-established before they even came into the mix.

Now to be fair, obviously if your guy/girl is going around calling EVERYONE their BFF/homeboy/homegirl, then you may want to raise an eyebrow. How can you possibly differentiate the relationships? what does that say about the individual with such a large "inner circle"? Thats just nonsense, imo. I dealt with that BS for quite sometime, never that again. Hence why honesty is such a huge important factor.

Maybe I'm still naive as to how relationships work, or have to face facts that everyone lies? But I guess I'll cross that bridge when/if I get to it. Till then, my friends are still around.....<3

ouchy!

2009-04-29T15:41:00.003-04:00

So Sunday I did the March For Babies walk (previously known as the March of Dimes) in Long Island. It's now Wednesday, & i still have the sickest sunburn on my arms!!! It's like i have red sleeves!!! I woke up Monday swollen in the face from this horrible disaster! *sigh* lol

Going away for Memorial Day weekend, pretty xcited!! 1st time I've ever done anything for that. AND, its the Hamptons, FANCY, lol!!

It's almost been a month since I've started my healthy-diet. I've slipped up a few times, going out for dinner, bbq's, taco's, that damn OutBack, but all in all, doing pretty damn good! Cut my soda intake to 1 pepsi/fanta every 3-4 days. Drinking alot more water & vitamin water. I even started eating salads!!! GASP!
This diet isn't about "being skinny", it's about taking care of myself. & eating mangu 5 days a week & fast food is no damn good. The weight I've gained is due to crappy eating habits & laziness!! I haven't practiced my yoga or done a crunch in almost a year. Now that's just crazy.

Lalala, summer's almost here, can we get a decent spring first!!

how do I update my Personal Drive

2009-04-03T09:10:00.006-04:00

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?” -Carrie

^^This.
Why can't I ever post something positive or good? This "once in a while blog" is almost like a small trail of my own personal demise. Or maybe I'm looking at it wrong. Maybe my path to self-discovery? to be determined i guess.

So after getting the work evaluation from hell & then doing my taxes, it was nothing short of getting shot in the stomach by a shotgun. When did being an adult turn into hell? I mean, you hear people talk about hell after death, but nope.....pretty sure there are a few of us that are living it right now.

I remember when was I was a kid, I couldn't wait to be an adult!! & now I am, so whydo I still feel like a kid lost in a department store. Blargh!

I wonder how other people do it, still go out clubbing & have so many more friends than one person can manage. I cant. At the end of the day, I'm too physically & mentally drained to do much. I almost feel bad for not talking to the few friends I have, but to be perfectly honest, what would be the point. Only to dredge on & on about the same "boo-hoo rant" as usual. I'm sure they could careless, actually they've already shown little to no interest. can you blame them?

Personally, I like my little handful of friends. I dont have the attention span to make more. Does that make me a bitch, nope. Just brutally honest. No, I dont want to hang out with John or Jane Doe & get to know you & be BFF's. lol

When did being an adult get so lonely? hmmmm, when did I become so Emo?

I need a vacation.

& my contacts broke, grrrrrrr

Further down the rabbit hole........

2009-01-29T08:32:00.008-05:00

Why is it when one bad thing happens, it always brings friends? You're bombarded with so much bad news or happenings that you begin to doubt if you'll ever see the light of day that is your peace of mind.
With ER visits thanks to my new found "old lady asthma", an aunt in the hospital, & my own family going through, yet again, "hard times", it seems that the limitations of my physical & mental strength are being constantly pushed.

A friend linked an article: What it Takes to be a Survivor, "Why do some people live and others die? Why do a few stay calm and collected under extreme pressure when others panic and unravel? How do some bounce back from adversity while others collapse and surrender?"
An amazing article about how some people can deal with the issues, rather, acknowledge them, while others suffer, for lack of a better word, from "inattentional blindness" or "incredulity response." People are unable to see the urgency's of situations happening around them, & in turn, go about their lives. They're either unable to cope or refuse to cope, & are unable to make decisions regarding the matter, so instead they just go about their business.
Why do some people go for the bottle when times get rough? or cry when they're upset? or close themselves from the world?

My aunt is in dire need of constant medical supervision, preferably in a rehabilitation center in order for her to recover from her recent surgery, & yet she & her husband chose to have her home, with a nurse only visiting once a day, for one hour at that. My mom is panicking at what may happen while shes here & my aunt is in NJ, will there be consequences to their decisions? meanwhile my parents are at another crossroads & the timing couldn't be any more worse with my aunt in the hospital & their anniversary coming up.

I am not the 14 yr old girl who struggled to keep her family together. Things have changed, I've changed. How am I supposed to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves? Who has already went down that path & yet, through all the hurt & pain its caused my family, has chosen to go down it once again? As harsh as it may sound, "it isn't my job to save my parents", as my cousin puts it. It's just harder since I'm still at home....locking myself away in my room can only do so much.

I almost feel selfish,being upset with myself that I'm not financially secure enough to be on my own. To be able to deal with my own problems, my own drama. To not have to referee other peoples arguments, mediate other peoples situations. Isn't it bad enough that I buffer situations at my own job, don't I get to have a place where I can gather my thoughts. Don't I deserve a Fortress of Solitude? I AM family oriented, in the end, they're all I have. But where do I cross the line?

I need to save whatever little sanity & health I have left, before I fall so far down, I won't remember what daylight looks like.

26 years of awesomeness

2008-10-27T12:37:00.002-04:00

A fabulous birthday indeed. Saturday night was an absolute blast. My home-wrecker assemble was a success. However, 4 inch heels, not so much for dancing the night away. Something I was fully aware of, but wanted to be a fool & do it anyways.

I danced the night away, running into all sorts of people I knew the entire night. It was great!!! I randomly danced whenever my feet stopped throbbing, while my BFF & cousin sat in our claimed corner, criticizing any club-goer that unfortunately walked past them. lol The annual BFF shot took place 12am-ish to initiate the night of debauchery, then after that, th drink of choice was H2O. Sorry...I wanted to remember the evening & we all know I'm a light-weight. The designated "porno pole" was always fun to watch. We all just watched in amazement as numerous random couples would just claim the pole to basically reenact their own version of a soft porn. At one point we actually thought 1 set was a couple.....alas it was not, b/c sure enough, dude was humping the next chick soon after.

I went home with my dates for the evening, my Chilean gypsy bff & the dancing Nubian princess. Sadly, the one actual drink I decided to have at 3am kicked in on the cab ride home. Oh well, it'll suffice as a nightcap.

The morning began with what I can only describe as my own personal heat wave. At first I thought it was b/c the room itself was hot, so I threw the blankets off to try to cool down. My BFF was moving about opening windows & doors to try to cool the room down. We both stayed in bed till about noon, when we finally figured out that it wasn't in fact the room that was hot. IT WAS MY BFF!! She had a fever & was giving off heat like a mini-volcano. She was now an incubus of hazardous material. lol Apparently her flu vaccine went wrong & got her sick.

So off I went to have my birthday dinner with my parents at the glorious Pio Pio. A Peruvian heaven of yummalicious food! Unfortunately it was too late for my immune system, & I contracted a small dose of the flu. But no worries, I told myself tostones were the cure, so i dug right in! lol My parents had told the host that it was my birthday, so towards the end, they brought out my bday "tres leche" cake, while blasting "cumpleanos feliz" on the restaurant sound system, while flicking the lights on & off.....I'm assuming for theatrics. lol FUN....but embarrassing......but still fun!!

I spent the rest of the evening at a friends house, enjoying some Discovery Channel of the Alaskan snow birds & wolves. & towards the end, passed out on the couch while my fever broke.

At work, my co-workers & the director surprised me at the end of the day with THREE birthday cakes, that's rights 3!!!! lol AND my vacation time was approved for Costa Rica !!

An awesome bday indeed.......

Role Reversal Much

2008-04-22T13:15:00.002-04:00

so i've been noticing for for quite some time now that the roles in relationships has changed. The men nowadays are looking for long term, meaningful relationships whereas the women , just dont give a damn about them anymore. lol
Not saying that the genuine interest for one isnt there, but I think women are over the hype. So either they're out there doing them & focusing on bettering themselves OR they went through the relationship & saw it wasnt what it was cracked out to be. Whereas the men, i can only assume, went through the test & trials, meaningless sex, party times & what not, & now realize, that said life isnt as fun as it seems. that they rather have something meaningful to hold onto.
i just find it funny b/c i remember way back when, in high school, all the boys strutting around like alpha males looking for mates, while the girls fawned all over them. very interesting how the times have changed.
my own experience...i did the relationship thing & well....im single now. so im just focusing on myself. working, saving money, just enjoying life & me-time. not saying that i dont want to be in-love, get married & have a kid, but, im just not dead-set on it anymore, if it happens it happens. I dont want to be in another relationship, i dont want to dedicate time into someone else, i want the option to walk away, i want to have fun & not be deal with "i called u, y didnt u pick up" stuff. i just wanna do me.
I think thats what alot of girls are experiencing, & theres nothing wrong with that. welcome to our world gentlemen. lol

here it goes....

2008-04-15T13:03:00.003-04:00

so as i fall into what i would assume to call my "daily routine", i've come to the conclusion that i should fall into the blogging craze. not b/c it's a fad, i just think i have an interesting/funny life, so why not blog it....

my name is Christina, im a 25 yr. old Nuyrorican, living in the Bronx (NY). Even though I've lived in the BX my entire life...i DO NOT LOVE the Yankee's. I have my B.A. in Art History, alumni of Queens College & until now, retail was the majority of my work experience, with the occasional internship at a museum or two.

I'm currently working for the F.E.G.S. WeCare program. as you ask "what is that?" ......it's a welfare to work program. my postion is techinically the middle person between the office & the clinic. what a randomn career choice, i know. For awhile i was under the illusion that "duh i have a degree, of course i'm going to get a job" !!incorrect!!

I've realized that things just dont happen in a snap, it takes progression, you need a plan. So, here I am, with a big girl job, with salary & benefits, & even life insurance! My long term plan, F.E.G.S. actually has an art center, it deals with art therapy & rehab.

So there it is, to hopefully be working in that center. I give it a year, although at times I feel like I wanna pull my hair out with my current position.....

Even though this isnt my passion, gotta be hopeful that at some point, i'll get there.